I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize