Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
