you turned your livingroom into a bong?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
