We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
