so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize