i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
