Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
