I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Randomize
