I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
