But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
