I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
are you so shy because you have an std?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
