Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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