i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
