Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
