i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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