Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
