just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
