I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize