My liver just broke up with me...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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