i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
