everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
