she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
