Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Four minutes until I can fart!
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
