this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
