i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
she told me i tasted like america
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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