Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
