Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
