Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
handjob tips. give me some.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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