we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
