i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
