So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Life is so much better after having sex.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
