I molested 6 butterflies tonight
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
