Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
