I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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