Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
