I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
