when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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