I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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