I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
