Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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