I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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