He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
