Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize