Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
