Redeem this text for a blowjob
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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