suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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