So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
