Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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