I puked a lego.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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