my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
