Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
