we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
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Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
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holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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