so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
