I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
