I cut my penus on the lid.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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